


If I Didn't Know Better...

by dyosaywhat



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Fluffy, M/M, astrongbreeze, highschool!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5371601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dyosaywhat/pseuds/dyosaywhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shy Sehun, who'd rather be alone among library books, encounters a friendly, but insecure Kyungsoo at his new high school. Kyungsoo’s secret bonds the two boys more than they could have ever expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Didn't Know Better...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for astrongbreeze Round One fic fest! My first fic fest ^_^

Sitting at a wooden desk in a secluded corner, textbooks, notebook, pens, and highlighters organized neatly before him, Sehun thinks that luckily his new high school had a pretty grand library for an average suburban institution. Biding his time here until he moved again would be a cinch. At least there was that.

Since school started two weeks ago, Sehun had eaten his lunches in the library. Blissfully, it was especially empty then. The other students were bursting to socialize by the lunch break and would much rather talk endlessly and play silly games with each other than be in the library. 

Sehun found the school cafeteria much too loud and boisterous. Plus, he didn't want to have to try to figure out which table he'd be the least uncomfortable at. 

He moved around a lot because of his Dad's job, so he was used to always being the new kid. Being an only child, his parents tended to move him around like another one of their moving boxes. He'd been conditioned to be terrible at making, or keeping, friends; he gave up trying way back in elementary school after attending a new school every year. It had just become too painful for Sehun to say "Goodbye" over and over again, so he stopped bothering to even say "Hello." 

The moving only got more frequent as he got older, so Sehun found friends in books; his only truly constant companions. He loved books of all kinds: chemistry, math, science, fantasy, sci-fi, comics, historical, fiction and non-fiction; literally any book at all. 

Books were reliable and stable: once they were yours, they'd be there forever. Books had been around for hundreds of thousands of years and Sehun imagined that books would still be around when humans inhabited Mars. 

Since they moved so much, Sehun's parents didn't actually _buy_ many books - only a few here and there - because it was a pain to ship them everywhere. They took Sehun to libraries instead as he was growing up and he developed a love for them young. No matter what city he moved to, there was always a library there. And amazingly, he could usually find the same book he'd been reading at his old library, in the new one! 

He'd lived in big cities, like New York and Dublin, with palatial libraries and towns with tiny, creaky libraries like in Savannah and Cottbus. His heart raced looking at rows and rows of endless books, all eager to be taken home for weeks at a time. 

For this very reason, in the sanctuary of the library at his new school, Sehun made himself concentrate on his Pre-Calculus homework so that he could reward himself with a good read from a book in the fantasy section after he was done. Maybe he'd try out a new one or tuck into an old favorite.

Furrowed eyebrows over a problem using DeMoivre's Theorem, Sehun's ears prick at the sound of a faint melody. It's as if someone is whispering a song to themselves nearby, but that seems preposterous because he’s sure that he’s the only one in the library besides the librarian. Plus, who would _sing_ in a _library_ of all places?

Sehun returns to his theorem. He gets through two more problems before he's certain that there is definitely a dim tune coming from somewhere deep within the library stacks. Shutting his textbook, Sehun gets up to investigate, walking in the direction of the muffled sound. 

Hidden among the W authors, Sehun is startled to find a dark-haired boy cross-legged on the floor. His head is bowed, earbuds in his ears; looking down at the iPod in his hands, scrutinizing what appears to be song lyrics with the utmost concentration.

\------------------------

Fixated on memorizing the lyrics to the song thumping in his ears, Kyungsoo is startled to see a tall boy he's never seen before peering down at him. He shoves down the impression that he is strikingly handsome as well.

“Excuse me, are you singing?” the boy asks. Kyungsoo stares at him in disbelief. He thought that he’d been singing softly enough so that no one could hear him, but somehow this stranger did.

“Uhm, yes?” Kyungsoo says, pulling an earbud out of one ear. “Did I disturb you?”

“Well, I _could_ hear you,” the tall boy says with a light smack of his lips, as if he were a little annoyed with Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo returns his gaze to his iPod and hopes that the boy will go away soon.

“Why are you listening to your music in here? Seems like there are other places to do that other than the library,” says the boy, shifting his gaze from Kyungsoo to the some distant spot behind Kyungsoo, and back again.

Kyungsoo sighs. He really doesn’t feel like explaining himself to this unknown person. 

Kyungsoo fumbles, "I just…uhm…it's quiet." 

A perplexed expression crosses the foreign boy’s face. “I’m sorry, but who whispers while singing though?” 

The thought must have tickled so much that the boy’s nose begins crinkles and a slight smile spreads across his face.

“Aren't you supposed to be able to _hear_ yourself sing...so you know if you're doing it right?”

Kyungsoo thinks, what does this strange kid know? Who was he to interrupt him and then proceed to criticize him out of nowhere? And honestly he doesn’t feel like being made fun of today.

The boy continues, “Additionally, I don't think you're supposed to make noise in the library. Singing definitely doesn't seem appropriate."

“Well, people don't usually hear me singing because there’s usually no one in here," Kyungsoo says. "But you’re here -- of course -- out of all people."

At this point Kyungsoo feels quite annoyed and wants to dig at the bold stranger a bit.

“Are you actually studying in here during lunch? I don’t know anyone who _chooses_ to do that of their own free will…seems like doing _anything_ else would be better than studying.”

The boy’s face falls a little and then instantly glazes over with aloofness. “Yes, I like to get my homework done. Something you’re actually _supposed_ to do in a library.” Then he turns on his heel and strolls off, followed by the sound of the end-of-lunch bell ringing.

Kyungsoo instantly feels remorseful. Maybe he was a bit too harsh. He doubts he will ever see the boy again though, so he decides to forget about it all together.

\------------------------

The next day Sehun is back in the school library during lunch, focusing on his Biology homework. Well, _attempting_ to focus on his Biology homework. 

Every few minutes he stops and perks up his ears; attempting to hear any sign of the funny little student who liked to hideout and sing in the library, instead of study in it like logical people. 

Sehun loses himself in the chapter on Genetics, but then the swish of the library door on the other side of the room catches his attention. His ears already strained from listening intently, the door sounds like a canon going off. He jerks up just in time to see a figure move out of sight into the stacks.

Sehun wills himself to stay in his chair and continue with his studying. He never really got interested in people, so this was an exciting, new feeling; albeit a little unnerving. Was the student new or someone who didn’t have any friends – like him?

And the little guy had looked so vulnerable and cute: dark hair hovering over wide, innocent eyes; an adorable plush dollop of lip, implausibly heart-shaped. Sehun had unexpectedly thought about him ever since yesterday.

Losing the battle against his willpower, Sehun shoves his things into his backpack and makes his way toward the direction he saw the boy go. Halfway there, a surge of anxiety pushes him to just leave the library all together, but he knows his curiosity will only increase the more he puts this off.

Today the boy is in the corner of the X section. Probably trying to stay as far away from Sehun as possible. _Sorry_ , Sehun thinks and continues forward.

He’s in the same position as yesterday: legs crossed, hair falling over his bent head, iPod firmly grasped in his small hands, mouth moving along to the lyrics scrolling on the screen.

Sehun can’t explain the tickle in his abdomen; it’s just too intriguing and adorable. He also thinks that he probably shouldn’t be thinking another guy is adorable.

Embarrassingly, the snort from a stifled chuckle escapes Sehun’s mouth, startling the focused boy. He looks up at Sehun with recognition and then, what appears to be, shock.

“Hi,” says Sehun stiffly.

“Uh, Hi, “ the boy replies. “Don’t tell me. You heard me singing again?” He gets up. “Man, you really must have bat ears or something.” He begins to walk past Sehun.

“Hey!” Even Sehun is surprised by his outburst. The boy looks at him, eyebrows raised, heart-shaped mouth flattened into a plump line. He scoffs and continues his way toward the exit.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that… _like_ that.” 

The boy stops and turns to face Sehun. “Oh. No? If I didn’t know better, I’d have the impression that you owned this library…though I’ve never even seen you before yesterday.”

Sehun can’t make eye contact with the boy. “I’m new here. And I don’t have the best social skills. I was hoping that I didn’t scare you off yesterday, by being too forward or awkward.”

For the first time, the boy really looks at Sehun. He’s scanning Sehun’s face, like he’s inspecting machinery for faulty parts. 

The heat rising up Sehun’s neck causes him to fidget, shifting his weight between his left and right feet. He rubs his neck, willing it to cool, but more so like a genie lamp that can grant him the ability to reverse time and send him back to his seat, back to his Biology homework.

Because he has to do something, he smiles at the boy and sits down next to the spot he had found him.

The boy looks around, like he’s looking for a hidden camera somewhere. Presumably finding none, he lets out a sigh and sits across from Sehun. There’s a few more seconds of silence, before he says, “So, you’re new here? That’s why I’ve never seen you before. What’s your story?”

\------------------------

Despite being a bit annoyed, Kyungsoo is curious about the tall boy who has no reservations about sharing his opinions with strangers.

Sitting across from him, for the first time Kyungsoo can see just how young he is. Maybe the boy is shy -- he does study in the library during lunch – and is trying to make friends in his own strange way. He thinks he should give the younger boy a chance.

“My story?” The boy chuckles softly, making a flat-lipped grimace. It’s oddly comical and makes Kyungsoo want to laugh, but he stifles it because that might be rude. “I don’t have much of a story.”

“Everyone has a story. What’s your name? Where are you from?” Kyungsoo asks.

With another smack of his lips, “My name is Sehun Oh. I can’t really remember where I’m _italic_ from technically. I believe I was born in South Korea, but the last place I lived was Cottbus, Germany.”

“Wow, Germany! Very cool. I’ve never been out of the state, let alone the country.” Kyungsoo’s leans forward, interest thoroughly peaked. “I bet this town is boring in comparison to Germany.”

“Cottbus is a fairly sleepy town. Peaceful. The biggest difference would be that no one speaks German here.” The younger boy laughs.

“There’s actually a German club at this school. You might want to check it out.”

Kyungsoo notices a small wave of gloom cross the boy’s face. “Nah, no point in joining any clubs.” The tall boy shifts around, looking uncomfortable. “I move around a lot. This is the fifth new school I’ve been to in the last two years…I’m enrolled as a sophomore, but who really knows.”

Kyungsoo is taken aback. “ _Fifth_ school in two years? That must be really hard. I can’t even imagine.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty used to being the new kid.”

“Well, although moving a lot probably really sucks, your life sounds much more interesting than mine.”

The boy’s eyes look at him curiously. “So, tell me _your_ story then.”

Kyungsoo chuckles. 

“My name is Kyungsoo Do. Unlike you, I’ve lived in this uneventful town my entire life. I’ve known most of the kids at this high school since first grade. People pretty much grow up and stay here; not much moving around. Boring right?”

“No, not boring at all. Sounds…cool actually.” The younger boy smiles at Kyungsoo and he returns the smile. “Since you know so many people, you must have a lot of friends.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I know everyone and they know me. Kind of. They know me as the quiet, responsible guy who’ll happily take a backseat while others get the attention. I’m the perfect candidate for group projects, so I’m always in high demand for those.” Despite his laughter, Kyungsoo hopes the bitter edge he can hear in his own voice goes unnoticed by the tall boy.

Sehun leans toward Kyungsoo, peering at him with quizzical eyes. “If you have so many friends, why are you in the library at lunch like me? I’d think you’d be hanging out with your friends.”

Kyungsoo can feel his ears begin to heat up. He wants to keep his secret to himself.

There’s just silence as the younger boy continues to look at him, waiting. The focused, but innocent look in the boy’s eyes makes him seem perceptive and accepting. 

“It’s a secret.” He sighs. “Now that I think about it, it’s not a secret because I want it to be; it’s a secret because no one would believe me if they heard me say it.”

The boy scoots a little closer to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is not sure how he feels about that, especially now that he’s made his reason for singing in the library sound a lot more thrilling than it really is. 

“A secret?” The boy whispers, body tense.

Kyungsoo is fully prepared to be laughed at by the younger boy, which is the reaction he expects his friends would have too. 

Deciding to get it over with, like ripping off a firmly adhered week-old Band-Aid, Kyungsoo lets it out clumsily, “Uh…well…it’s kind of silly really…I’m practicing…or I might be practicing…I don’t know…I was _thinking_ about trying out for the upcoming school musical.”

Kyungsoo sees the boy’s face drop as he leans away from him, back into his original sitting position. His expression is hard to read. Kyungsoo’s ears are burning hot now. Little beads of sweat tingle at his hairline.

“I don’t understand. What’s the big deal about a school musical? Why is that a secret?” The tall boy finally says.

\------------------------

Like anticipating what happens on the next page at a particularly tense moment in a thriller novel, Sehun realizes he’s been holding his breath, waiting for Kyungsoo to reveal his secret. He hopes he’s masking his disappointment well, but that is the poorest excuse for a secret he’s ever heard.

He detects the flush splotched across Kyungsoo’s cheeks, and his ears look like someone has been pinching them tightly for several minutes. Poor guy.

Kyungsoo explains, “I know, it doesn’t seem like it should be a secret, but this school is really big on its musicals. That might be the only exciting thing that happens here – past students have actually gone on to Julliard and Broadway.”

Despite his evident embarrassment, Sehun can sense the older boy’s excitement: the quick shots of air inhaled and exhaled, the whites of his eyes even more visible, the words tumbling out rapidly as he licks his plump lips. Sehun thinks, _He has very nice lips_ before shoving that thought away.

“People actually come from nearby towns and cities to see our productions. And…” Kyungsoo groans. “The most popular girl in school, the one who stars in practically _every_ production, is going to be the lead in this one. It’s already a done deal. So…this…is…major. No one would expect me to try out.”

“Well, if they’re your friends, wouldn’t they be happy for you? Especially if this is something you really enjoy?” Sehun wonders.

“My friends don’t even know that I like to sing, that I _can_ sing, let alone be the lead in one of the school’s notorious productions!” The librarian makes a hissing sound that must be an attempt to shush whomever is talking so loudly in her library. Kyungsoo deflates, leaning back against the book stack, head slumped down.

Seeing the earnest shorter boy so defeated triggers something in Sehun. He wants to pat him on the shoulder. Put his arm around him so that Kyungsoo’s head rests against his shoulder, dark silken hairs tickling him through his cotton t-shirt. But -- that was preposterous.

Without lifting his head Kyungsoo continues, his voice a croaky whisper, “They’re nice people…my friends. But, when you’ve grown up with people since you were six, they pigeonhole you into who you _have_ to be. And it’s just really scary to suddenly be different than who you were.”

Sehun holds in his sigh; he’s really unequipped to help anyone with this type of situation. Ask him for a recommendation on a paranormal time travel novel and he could be of some use, but the subject of friendship was foreign to him. Still he wanted to try and comfort this boy he’d unexpectedly grown to like. 

“I think they will. If they’re really your friends. I don’t know much about friendships, so I could be very wrong, but…I think you’ll be okay.”

Kyungsoo finally looks up at Sehun, face still flushed, eyes still wide, but with a look of gratefulness that makes Sehun feel like he’s blushing. He never blushed though, or he couldn’t remember the last time he would have blushed. The thought made him uncomfortable. He wiggled his crossed legs up and down, turning his head to avoid Kyungsoo’s gaze.

Thankfully the bell rings. Sehun gathers his belongings and sees Kyungsoo doing the same, tucking his iPod into the back pocket of his jeans. Sehun thinks that he wants to see Kyungsoo again tomorrow.

“Before we get too invested in this idea of trying out for the school musical, whether you can actually sing should be assessed. Up until now it’s all been hearsay. Next time, you’ll have to show me.” Sehun kicks himself internally…why did he say “we”?

Kyungsoo smiles, “Ha. I guess that’s true. I’ll be sure to come prepared tomorrow. See you then.”

Sehun lets out an internal sigh of relief, and lets the shorter boy walk ahead of him. He watches Kyungsoo walk down the hallway in the opposite direction he needs to go, which feels unfortunate. 

He turns and rushes down the hallway to his English class, hoping the _woosh_ of the wind passing his ears, will blow off the strange feelings he’s having. 

\------------------------

The next day in Homeroom, Kyungsoo sits at his desk, pretending to listen to the day’s announcements. He swallows repeatedly, trying to soothe his dry throat. 

Kyungsoo swears that he’s always sung at school: between classes, in the lunch line, while pulling books from his locker, but no one had noticed. His classmates were usually too busy poking fun at him most of the time. Not that they disliked him; it was harassment born out of familiarity. 

He hated that he’d always been smaller, shyer, and quieter than everyone else. He didn't know how to express that he wanted to sing on stage, in front of hundreds of people. So, he had started to spend his free time in the library, singing to himself as a distraction. A distraction to help him fight against the urge to saunter into the choir room, unexpectedly confident, and introduce everyone to his new (real?) self. 

Today though, he was going to have to sing for Sehun, and for some reason that made him very nervous. Sehun seemed so straightforward and direct. No sugar coating or consideration for one’s hurt feelings. Not in a bad way, just in a really, innocent, honest way.

By the time the lunch bell rings, damp half-moons have formed under the armpits of Kyungsoo’s blue button-up shirt. For some reason he felt he needed to dress up a bit for the occasion. 

He almost tiptoes through the library doors, and walks lightly towards the table Sehun usually studies at, but the younger boy is not there.

He hears a “Psst” somewhere to his right. He walks in that direction, and happens upon Sehun, head peering around the doorjamb of one of those small, glassed-in rooms that you can watch grainy movies in or listen to very old recordings of men with accents talking. No one ever went into these rooms; he had certainly forgotten that one even existed in the school library.

“I thought this would be a perfect place for you to sing without pissing off the librarian. Genius, right? It’s almost like a recording booth, but without all the padding on the walls.” A cartoony smile appears on the boy’s face. Kyungsoo can’t contain a chuckle. For such a handsome kid, he really had a disarmingly awkward smile.

Kyungsoo enters the room, dropping his backpack on the floor. He pulls his iPod out of his back pocket, then sits down in a chair at one of the little cubicles in the room. Sehun closes the door, pulls out a chair, and sits facing him.

He claps his hands and rubs them together, as if he’s a cop about to interrogate a very guilty looking suspect. “So, let’s hear it. What are you going to sing?”

Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and pulls up the song he’s been practicing for weeks, an especially intense session occurring just last night. 

“It’s called ‘What Do I Need With Love?’ It’s from _Thoroughly Modern Millie_. It made the most sense for me to sing the song that I’d audition with. _If_ I audition,” Kyungsoo says. 

Sehun nods. Crosses his arms across his chest. Folds one leg over the opposite knee. Leans back in his chair. Face blank. 

He hopes Sehun can’t detect how nervous he is just to sing in front of him. He’d surely laugh. How could Kyungsoo audition in a room full of people, not to mention perform in front of a crowd of hundreds, if by some miracle he actually did earn a part in the musical?

Kyungsoo takes big swallow. It’s now or never. 

\------------------------

Sehun notices Kyungsoo’s hands trembling, his dry lips. He also notices Kyungsoo’s blue, button-up shirt, the hint of pomade in his hair…and he feels touched. Was he nervous because of him? Was he trying to look nice for him?

His thoughts are disrupted by the soft melody that Kyungsoo begins to sing:

_Oh the places I would like to show you_  
Although I hardly know you  
I’ve a funny feeling we’d make a perfect pair  
Famous sites I want to see you seeing  
Then nights of you and me-ing  
Me. You. We - 

The lyrics seem to speak aloud the thoughts he’d been denying existed, hoping to prevent them from bubbling up to the surface. For the second time in recent memory, Sehun feels like blushing.

_Wait a minute! Just a minute! No, no, no, no!_

Sehun jumps, his heart skipping a beat at Kyungsoo’s sudden outburst. Arms uncrossing, propped leg falling to the floor.

The song has taken an upbeat and lively turn. Probably for the best, because if it had continued to be a sentimental, love ballad, Sehun would probably have been reduced to a floppy pile of skin and bones – if that was possible. He is relieved to stuff his hidden feelings down again. 

Kyungsoo finishes the song. Sehun is surprised, though he doesn’t know why he had his doubts. Kyungsoo has an excellent voice: smooth and rich, without being overbearing. A true pleasure to the ear.

“It was good. Really good,” Sehun says. 

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo says. Although Sehun can’t tell if it’s a comment or a question.

It looks like Kyungsoo wishes he’d say more – elaborate a little.

“The change surprised me. I thought it was going to be a ballad. That was cool. Sorry, I don’t know much about musicals…”

Kyungsoo chuckles, looking sheepish, “Yeah, it’s an entertaining song. The character, Jimmy is a playboy, but is falling for the sweet Millie. Though he doesn’t want to admit it.”

 _I can relate_ , Sehun thinks. _Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Stuff it down._

“Sounds like a fun character to play.” Sehun is running out of things to say.

“Yeah….” It seems like Kyungsoo is as well.

Sehun doesn’t know what to do with the awkward silence. He just looks at Kyungsoo, the boy’s head still bent over his iPod; fingers fidgeting with the earbud cord.

“Do you want to hear it? The song?” Kyungsoo asks, extending one earbud toward Sehun.

“Sure!” He says, scooting his chair closer to Kyungsoo. 

“It’ll probably be easier to sit on the floor.” The older boy gets up, motioning for Sehun to do the same. He pushes the chairs under their respective desks, and sits against the back wall of the room. Sehun acknowledges that if anyone walks by, he and Kyungsoo would be hidden from view. _Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Stuff it down._

Sehun sits next to Kyungsoo, taking the shared earbud and placing it in his ear. The song is a 1920s inspired, bouncy tune. Very catchy. He could imagine Kyungsoo in period clothes, strutting across the stage. He hopes that Kyungsoo decides to try out.

He tries to ignore that their shoulders are touching; squished into the cramped space between the two rows of cubicles. So close, he can hear the boy’s breathing. He resists leaning into him, putting more of his weight against him, anticipating his reaction. _Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Stuff it down, dammit._

Thankfully the bell rings. _Saved by the bell_ , Sehun says to himself, though he knows it’s cheesy.

\------------------------

Kyungsoo is eager to see Sehun today. He has so much to talk to him about. It’s such a relief to have someone to share his secret with. Part of him worries though that Sehun realized over night that he didn’t like Kyungsoo’s singing after all.

He strides into the library unsure of which direction to go: to Sehun’s usual studying desk, to the glassed-in room, in the back of the stacks where they first met? He really should get Sehun’s number so they can text each other. 

Kyungsoo takes a moment to think and walks toward the glassed-in room. Looking in the window he doesn’t see anyone though. He feels a small twinge of disappointment. It had been cozy and comfortable there yesterday, next to each other, sharing his earbuds.

He heads to Sehun’s studying desk – not there either. Then to the back of the book stacks, checking all the rows – no sign of the tall boy. Kyungsoo checks his watch, it’s already been ten minutes into the lunch hour. Sehun is usually always there before him. 

Kyungsoo’s mind starts racing: what if he lost interest in the whole musical thing? What if he didn’t like his singing from the beginning and couldn’t face him today with more lies? What if some terrible accident happened and he’s lying in a hospital bed somewhere?

 _Calm down_ , Kyungsoo tells himself. He has to stop his mind from falling into a spiral of catastrophic thoughts.

He goes back to the glassed-in room, sitting on the floor like yesterday. Plugging in his earbuds to listen to the _Thoroughly Modern Millie_ soundtrack -- again. He’ll wait it out and see.

Kyungsoo hadn’t realized he dozed off, until upon opening his eyes, he sees Sehun standing in front of him. 

Sehun smiles, “You’re totally drooling.”

Kyungsoo wipes his mouth bashfully. “I thought you weren’t coming.” 

Sehun sits next to him, looking down at his feet. Kyungsoo thinks that maybe his eyes are a little puffy and red. Had he been crying?

“Sorry. My parents were here. We had a meeting with the principal.” Still not looking at Kyungsoo.

“Is everything alright? Did something happen?” Kyungsoo bends his head trying to see into Sehun’s eyes. 

Sehun finally looks at him, eyes glistening. “Nope. Everything is fine. They just wanted to check on my progress that’s all.” 

Sehun sits up, takes a deep breath, then exhales. “So, are you going to audition or not?”

Kyungsoo wishes that Sehun would tell him what’s really going on, but if he doesn’t want to talk about it, he must have a reason.

“Uhhh, I don’t know. Auditions start next Monday. I still have the weekend to decide.”

Sehun nods.

Kyungsoo remembers the information he learned eavesdropping on the theater kids in Homeroom this morning. 

“Ah! I should have actually watched the movie, or I would have already known this, but if I were to get the role of Jimmy, I’d have to do a kissing scene.” Kyungsoo cringes just thinking about kissing a girl in front of his classmates.

Sehun laughs. 

“I’d die of embarrassment maybe I should just wait until college to do musicals I’ll go somewhere far away somewhere none of my friends would go then I could sing be in musicals and lead a totally different life without anyone knowing the me I am now.” 

“Breath hyung. You’re gonna pass out our something,” Sehun says, patting him on the shoulder. 

Kyungsoo hadn’t realized how is breathing had quickened and how rapidly he’d been talking.

“Though kissing a girl in front of your friends, teachers, and parents does sound pretty mortifying,” admits Sehun, unable to stifle a chuckle.

Kyungsoo laughs too. Relaxing under Sehun’s reassuring touch. “Oh well, that’s probably the least of my worries at this moment, since I haven’t even decided to audition yet. I’m probably just trying to talk myself out of it.”

“Have...” Sehun clears his throat. “Have you. Kissed. A girl. Before?”

Kyungsoo was not expecting that question, and the hesitant way Sehun asks makes him think that the younger boy really is quite innocent.

“Well, yeah. I mean I’m a senior. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends – not a lot! – but yes, of course it’s happened by now.” 

Laughing at Sehun’s surprised face, “I take it you have never kissed a girl before?” 

“No,” Sehun says matter-of-factly, all expression now erased from his face. “I’ve never really thought about kissing before. I’ve read about it in books, but haven’t thought about it happening in real life.”

It’s hard for Kyungsoo to believe, but if Sehun is anything, it’s truthful.

“Ah, but you’re so handsome! You could easily find a girlfriend. Like this afternoon, if you wanted to.” 

Sehun’s eyebrows furrow together. Kyungsoo resists petting him like small puppy; he’s so cute when he’s not being haughty.

“I’m handsome?” The younger boy asks as if it’s the first time he’s hearing these words.

“C’mon, you _know_ you’re handsome, right? You’ve never had a girlfriend either?” Kyungsoo had always disliked the phrase “They’re good-looking, but they don’t know it.” He thought that was impossible. You never heard people say, “They’re unattractive, but they don’t know it.” Those who were considered unattractive, always knew because their peers kept reminding them.

“No. Having a girlfriend never really crossed my mind either.”

“It’s nice, but not something you need to worry about. I bet if you actually went into the cafeteria, there would be plenty of girls who wouldn’t mind you joining them at their table. Plus, you’re new, so I bet you’ve already been getting plenty of attention.” 

Kyungsoo is really tickled by this whole conversation. If only he looked like Sehun. He’d make good use of it. Maybe they’d be begging him to be in the school musical then.

The bell rings and the boys lift themselves from the ground on stiff legs.

Because he can’t help it any longer, Kyungsoo pats Sehun on the head just a little. He feels protective of him now. He should be a good hyung to him. His height, model-esque looks, and aloof demeanor make him seem older, but he’s just a kid.

Sehun looks at him surprised. Kyungsoo waits for him to be upset, but the boy just laughs. Kyungsoo is relieved because touching Sehun feels comfy, and he hopes he get to do it more often.

\------------------------

In English class, Sehun actually lifts his head to survey his classmates. He makes eye contact with a girl who he spots looking his way. She smiles. He remembers to smile back. She smiles again.

But he doesn’t know what to do next. Keep smiling? How long would they go back and forth, just smiling at each other? He looks away, bowing his head. He chuckles to himself. Maybe Kyungsoo was right.

Later that night, lying in bed, Sehun’s mind wanders from his latest sci-fi thriller. He finds himself thinking more about Kyungoo saying he’s handsome than about the girl smiling at him. 

He feels a ticklish fizz of happiness. He had not expected to meet anyone at this school, let alone develop any kind of warm feelings toward someone. _Is this what friendship feels like?_ He wonders.

His happiness dissolves when he remembers the conversation his parents had with him the evening before, and the meeting they had with the principal that afternoon. The clinical way his parents talked about his upcoming “academic transition.” He wills himself to go to sleep, to forget for just awhile.

The next day at school, Sehun walks toward the library, vowing to himself to be normal, to not let anything slip. 

He enters the library and heads straight for the glassed-in room; their spot. He opens the door to find Kyungsoo already there, sitting on the floor as usual. He’s wearing a light sweater, in a deep shade of green. It really complements his dark hair and his ruddy, peach skin tone. _No, this cannot start already._ Sehun repeats his internal mantra: _Stuff it down. Stuff it down._

“Hey, Sehunnie! How goes it today?” He scoots over as much as he can to make room for Sehun. No, don’t do that. 

Sehun sits down, trying not to touch Kyungsoo, but it’s impossible in the small space.

“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks. Sehun’s breath catches for a second. He’s upset that he’s already being this obvious.

Willing his face unreadable, Sehun says, “Nothing is wrong.”

“Are you sure? You seemed off yesterday too. Quiet.” Sehun can feel Kyungsoo’s big eyes on him. The part of him that wants to leave the cramped room fights with the part of him that wants to rest his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and tell him everything. He stays seated.

Kyungsoo leans toward Sehun, his shoulder pressing into Sehun’s. He’s trying to look into Sehun’s face, but Sehun keeps his head down, trying to focus on the triangle of brown carpet between his thighs. His heartbeat quickens as Kyungsoo’s head is almost in his lap, neck craning to try and see what’s wrong with him. 

The fresh, slight floral scent of the older boy’s shampoo hits his nose. The way Kyungsoo says his name, Sehunnie. His small frame leaning against Sehun’s broad shoulders. His puffy heart-shaped lips so close to his own. _Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Stuff it down._

The situation is so overwhelming, that Sehun does the only thing he feels he can safely do: he bursts out laughing.

Kyungsoo socks him in the arm. “Hey! What, you’ve been pretending this whole time?”

“No. No. It’s just whenever I’m nervous. My reflex is to laugh.”

Kyungsoo returns to his initial position. The space he had just occupied feels empty to Sehun.

“What are you nervous about?” Kyungsoo looks at Sehun suspiciously, not sure if he’s playing games with him. Sehun wants to let him know that he’s not.

“I don’t know.” Sehun clears his throat.

“You do that when you’re nervous too. Clearing your throat. What is it, kiddo?”

Sehun decides to let it out, because he has to know. “Are we…?”

“Are we what?” Kyungsoo makes it harder, by leaning into him again.

“Are we? Friends?” Sehun holds his breath waiting for Kyungsoo’s answer. He’s pretty sure his eyes are closed because all he sees is black.

He hears Kyungsoo’s rumbling belly laugh and opens his eyes.

“Of course we are silly. What kind of question is that? You’re seriously acting so weird.” Sehun looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes to see how much of a dork he’s thinking Sehun is. But there is a tenderness in his eyes that makes Sehun relax a little.

Then out-of-the-blue Kyungsoo shoves Sehun so hard that he topples over, almost knocking his head into the chair on his right. The older boy is still laughing, eyes wet and crinkled. Sehun laughs too, letting his nerves leave his body. It feels good. He laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation, at the giddiness of new-found kinship.

The bell rings. The boys gather their belonging and their minds.

Sehun realizes that tomorrow is Saturday, he won’t see Kyungsoo for two days. He smacks his lips. Darn. 

“Have a good weekend,” Sehun says.

“You too! Hey, let me give you my number. Text me later so I have yours.” Sehun pulls out his phone so he can type the number Kyungsoo dictates into his Contacts. Inside, he wants to squeeze Kyungsoo into the tightest embrace. _Stuff it down. Stuff it down. Stuff it down._

\------------------------

On Monday morning, Kyungsoo is determined to give Sehun a piece of his mind. The boy never texted him. He won’t admit it to him, but he spent the entire weekend checking his phone repeatedly, waiting for Sehun’s text.

Unexpectedly, Kyungsoo and Sehun arrive at the library doors at the same time. They both laugh and then Kyungsoo remembers that he’s upset with Sehun and punches him in the stomach – not too hard. 

The younger boy bends forward, grabbing his abdomen. “Whoa, what’s that for?” 

The librarian hisses at them to be quiet.

They walk quietly into the glassed-in room. As soon as he shuts the door, Kyungsoo says, “I guess you were too busy to text me this weekend?” 

He knows he probably looks like a mother, with his hands on his hips, but he needs to convey an air of authority.

“Sorry, hyung. I really meant to, but some family things came up. I hope you had a good weekend.” Sehun smiles, but Kyungsoo can see a masked sadness in his eyes. He immediately regrets giving the younger boy a hard time.

“No worries. I was just teasing. Weekend was fine. Nothing eventful.” He sits down and pats the space next to him, signaling for Sehun to join.

Sehun settles next to him. Kyungsoo didn’t realize he’d missed the feeling of Sehun’s shoulder against his, until it was there again.

“So, it’s Monday. Are you going to audition or not?” Sehun asks pointedly. 

Kyungsoo had hoped to have some light conversation before they reached this topic, but Sehun got straight to the point.

“I still don’t know.”

“What’s to know? Either you want to do the musical or you don’t want to do the musical, right?” 

Sehun is stern with him today. He doesn’t feel so hyung-like all of a sudden.

“I do _want_ to do it, but…”

“No ‘buts’. Do it then.” 

Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say. Sehun makes it sound so cut and dry; so simple. But he feels so conflicted.

Sehun smacks his lips. “I’ll admit that I don’t think I’ve ever really had to make a hard choice. My parents make them for me. They never asked me how I felt about moving, if I wanted to move, if I minded leaving familiar people and surroundings behind.” 

Kyungsoo hears the bitter edge in Sehun’s voice. And his lips are pinned together in a thin, sharp line.

Kyungsoo feels like an idiot. This kid had gone through so much. He just wanted friendship. He wanted to feel like he fit with someone. Kyungsoo took all that for granted. He looked down on his all-too-familiar life and was complaining about an opportunity to do something he _wanted_ to do. He had a choice, while Sehun had been deprived of so many choices.

Kyungsoo lets out a long breath. “I’m going to do it.”

\------------------------

Sehun is relieved to hear Kyungsoo say he’ll audition. 

“I’m glad! You should do what makes you happy.” Sehun thinks it’s good if Kyungsoo his happy. When he smiles, his eyes are bright and they crinkle at the corners. It’s really too cute.

Sehun hopes to see Kyungsoo that way as much as he can before… 

Pushing that thought out of his mind, Sehun says, “Who cares if your friends don’t approve? Or if people make comments? You’re a great singer. I would tell you if you weren’t.” 

“Yes, you’re very honest. Thank you for that.” Kyungsoo puts his arm around Sehun and squeezes. Sehun’s heart jerks, he leans into the squeeze, just for a moment.

“Plus –,” Sehun hesitates, but gathers the courage to continue his honest streak. “I’d still be your friend afterward – no matter what.”

He doesn’t know how to take Kyungsoo’s silence or the perplexed way he’s looking at him, so he stays silent too. This time enjoying the awkward silence they’re sharing.

“Will you come to the audition with me? It’s after school in the choir room,” Kyungsoo finally utters. His voice is soft, vulnerable. 

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it.” Sehun gives Kyungsoo his biggest smile.

Kyungsoo cackles. “Oh my gosh, you’re smile. I swear. It’s a unique and special thing.”

Sehun feels he must preserve this picture of a happy Kyungsoo. He lets it sink in. Stamp his memory bank. To keep with him when he’s gone.

\------------------------

Wiping his tears from laughing at Sehun’s crazy cartoon smile, Kyungsoo looks at the tall boy, his heart swelling so much that it hurts a little. He’d only known this kid for a month, but he was already so loyal to him. 

More than that; he was already so much a part of Kyungsoo’s life. He had never really acknowledged how excited he was to meet up with Sehun in the library every day. Or how relaxed and comfortable he felt around him, even though he was practically a stranger. Or how he couldn’t imagine him not being around. Or how much he had needed a friend like him; how he’d been waiting his entire life.

The bell always seemed to ring, when it felt like they had more to say, but Kyungsoo was glad he’d see Sehun in a few hours; instead of having to wait until tomorrow.

“See you soon!” Sehun says and walks down the hallway in the opposite direction of Kyungsoo. Now alone, the reality that he’s going to audition hits him. _Oh crap_ , Kyungsoo curses internally.

Kyungsoo barely concentrates in Chemistry class, letting his lab partner do most of the work. He can’t stop thinking about the audition. The end of day bell rings and Kyungsoo is stuck to his seat. He remembers Sehun will be waiting for him though, and makes his way to the choir room.

Sehun is leaning against the wall in front of the choir room. When they lock eyes, Sehun gives him an encouraging grin; not the crazy cartoon one, just a nice, comforting one.

When Kyungsoo reaches Sehun, the tall boy puts a hand on is back. Another encouraging gesture, Kyungsoo thinks, until the boy’s hand increases its pressure, pushing him toward the choir room door.

Kyungsoo looks back at him, dumbfounded. 

“Just making sure you don’t back out,” Sehun says with a nod of his head, a prim expression on his face. “Oh, and I’ve already signed you up. You’re third in line.” 

Sehun was not going to give him time to second guess this for one moment. Kyungsoo elbows Sehun’s chest. The boy balks, but doesn’t remove his hand from Kyungsoo’s back.

Entering the room, Kyungsoo can feel eyes on him and probably Sehun too. Sehun’s hand leaves his back and he feels a bit untethered. 

He can hear students whisper to each other:

“Why is Soo-ah here?”

“Is he lost?”

“Is that the new boy?”

“He finally decided to come out of the library!”

“What year is he?”

“He’s so tall!”

“Is Kyungsoo friends with the new kid?”

“How come we didn’t know about this?”

Kyungsoo keeps his eyes focused straight ahead, determined steps toward the girl standing next to the piano. She is actually someone he’s known for years, not close, but an acquaintance. 

“I’m third in line. You need to know my song, right?” 

“Hey Soo! You’re really auditioning? I saw your name here, but thought someone was playing a joke.” She looks at Kyungsoo expectantly, waiting for the punchline.

“Yep, I am _really_ auditioning. Please let the music director know I’ll be singing ‘What Do I Need With Love?’”

Kyungsoo walks away before, she can ask another question. He makes his way to the back row of the bleachers to wait for his turn. Sehun sits next to him.

This time he lightly presses his hand against Kyungsoo’s back. “You can do it, hyung.”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo whispers. His voice is dry and his nerves have made his throat tight. He hopes he can relax enough to sing the song properly. If he didn’t hit that A# note at the end of the song, it’d be a disaster.

As the auditions begin, Kyungsoo is so glad that Sehun is here with him – the boy’s instincts were right: he probably would have turned back around and left by now, too afraid to put himself out there. The guy singing now is also auditioning for the part of Jimmy, and he’s very good. 

Sehun is so supportive and encouraging, but he couldn’t have known the competition that Kyungsoo was up against.

He partly thinks that Sehun doesn’t know any better, that he doesn’t _really_ know him. But Kyungsoo wants to be the person he thinks Sehun sees in him – he can’t let Sehun down. And maybe one day he’ll see himself that way too.

He turns to his left and Sehun is looking at him, his hand still at the small of his back. 

When they lock eyes, he knows he can do this.

The second auditioner, a girl with a pretty falsetto, futilely tries out for the part of Millie. That role is surely going to the popular girl who was the lead in almost every production.

It’s Kyungsoo’s turn. He gets up and feels a little lost as the anchor of Sehun’s hand slips from his back again. He can feel his legs shaking as he makes his way to the front of the room.

The music director hands him the sheet music for his song. 

“Are you ready young man?” He asks, his hands hovering above the piano keys.

Kyungsoo nods. Praying that something will come out of his mouth when he tries to sing.

“I’ll play an eight-bar intro and then you jump in, okay?”

Kyungsoo nods again. He thinks that the musical director looks skeptical. He understands. He’d be skeptical too if the boy about to audition in front of him had not shown himself capable of making a sound.

“Here we go then. One, two, one, two, three, four.”

As the melody bounces toward his starting point, Kyungsoo feels his throat tighten up and all the swallowing in the world won’t loosen it. His heart thumps in his chest, his armpits are soaked with sweat. He’s pretty sure he’s panicking and about to lose it.

The music director clears his throat, capturing Kyungsoo’s attention. He’s missed his cue. 

“I’ll circle the notes again. This time please join in.”

Kyungsoo hears the whispers circulating the room – doubting him. His ears are scalding, and he fights to not freeze up again.

Something flashes in the corner of his eye. He looks up and Sehun is holding both of his thumbs up in the air, that silly, cartoon smile on his face, his brown hair swishing from side-to-side as he sways along to the music.

Kyungsoo tries to mask his shock and holds in his laughter. _What is that kid doing? And why is he so adorable doing it?_

Why waste the opportunity of having his own personal cheerleader rooting him on? 

Shoving away his doubts, Kyungsoo catches his intro note and begins to sing. At first it feels odd, singing so loud, when he’d been singing under his breath for so long.

He can hear his voice waver a little at first, but it gains strength as he hits the lively party, relaxing into the pure enjoyment the act of singing brings him. 

Sehun was also mouthing along to the lyrics, keeping him on pace. There was no way he could fail – whether he got the part or not.

\------------------------

In the back row of the bleachers, Sehun is beaming. Kyungsoo’s voice sounds rich and soft, trickling along his ear drums. He sounds better today than when he heard him sing in the library last week.

Sehun hears students around him commenting in awe of how well Kyungsoo sings. How they never knew he could sing and why had he hidden his talent for so long?

Sehun feels so grateful to see this moment, to see the Kyungsoo everyone else knew dissolve and drift away. To see the Kyungsoo he knew shine brightly, taking its rightful place.

He decides to cherish this moment too. To lock it away in his memory box, to take out and reminisce on later when he’s far away. When he doesn’t have the privilege of seeing Kyungsoo every day in the library.

He didn’t have the courage to tell the older boy what his parents had told him last week. What they had met with the principal about. His Dad was taking on a new project in Brisbane, Australia -- in three months. So, he was moving _again_. 

He thinks that he should berate himself for foolishly making a friend; for caring about someone when he knew that he’d have to leave them. If he didn’t know better, he’d tell himself this, but he knew he was wrong. He was happy he’d met Kyungsoo. He’d been happier with him than he’d been in a really long time.

He hopes Kyungsoo gets the role and he gets to perform on stage like he wants. Most of all, he wishes that he could be there when it all happens. He doesn’t know how to tell Kyungsoo that though, so he just tries to forget the future and to enjoy the present moment. For as long as he can.

\------------------------  
**Three months later.**

Kyungsoo can’t see a thing. He can barely hear anything either. 

His senses are jumbled: the glare from the lights in his eyes, the deafening sound of applause mixed with his heavy breathing. He steps to the edge of the stage and bows.

He had imagined this moment many times, but nothing could compare to the moment itself. He was happier than he ever imagined he could be. He’s exhausted, his throat hurts, his legs are sore, but he loves everything about being here on stage.

He is playing the role of Jimmy, though he didn’t originally get the part. It went to someone else initially, but he ended up not being able to take on the role due to academic reasons – which is teacher code for not getting good enough grades. Luckily Kyungsoo was the music director’s second choice.

He squints, searching the crowd, but the lights are too bright. The audience is hidden in darkness.

Kyungsoo and his cast mates take a final bow, then exit the stage exhilarated. They head to the dressing rooms to remove their makeup and change into their normal clothes. 

Kyungsoo finishes up a little quicker than everyone else. Eager to greet who’s waiting for him when he exits the auditorium.

\------------------------

 

Sehun thinks that Kyungsoo is magical on stage. He had clapped until his hands were numb and throbbing.

He’s waiting for Kyungsoo by the dressing room exit. Besides him, the hallway is empty.

When Kyungsoo finally appears, Sehun can’t help but throw his arms around Kyungsoo’s neck, tucking the shorter boy’s head under his chin and squeezing him to his chest.

Kyungsoo pleads for mercy, chuckling despite his entrapment. “Sehunnie, I can’t breathe!”

Sehun releases his hold. “You were great, Kyungsoo-ah! You’re meant to be on stage. It’s your destiny.”

“Well let’s not get carried away. This was only my first musical…but, thank you.”

Kyungsoo reaches for Sehun’s hand, cupping it in his smaller one. Sehun blushes, something he does regularly these days.

He holds Kyungsoo from behind, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. And for a moment they stay like this. Comfortable.

The dressing room door bursts open and the rest of the musical’s cast pours out, loud and boisterous.

Sehun drops his arms and puts some distance between them.

Cast members pat Kyungsoo on the back and ruffle his hair, giving him kudos.

“Kyungsoo, will you come out with us? We’re going to grab some pizza to celebrate!” says the female lead. The most popular girl in school. The one Kyungsoo had to kiss. Sehun smacks his lips, trying to keep his expression neutral.

“That sounds like fun, but I have other plans. See you next time!”

“Ah, okay next time then!” she yells back as the group disperses through the double glass doors.

“You should go, Kyungsoo-ah. Don’t worry about me,” Sehun offers, though he’s perfectly fine with Kyungsoo staying exactly where he is.

“I didn’t want to go. Besides, don’t we have a date tonight?” A smile plays at the corner of his lips.

Sehun tries to hide his smile, a slight blush spreading over his cheeks – again. 

“It’s so cute that you’re still shy about us,” Kyungsoo says, pinching Sehun’s cheek.

Sehun playfully smacks Kyungsoo’s hand away, then grabs hold of it, letting their fingers intertwine. 

A lot had happened in the past three months: Sehun had not moved after all. He guessed that his rants about how he couldn’t leave Kyungsoo made his parents feel bad about living a life that forced their son into a cocoon of loneliness. So they had let him stay on his own, while they moved to Brisbane. 

It was strange moving into Kyungsoo’s house at first, but Sehun got used to it. Kyungsoo’s family was welcoming. His parents were warm and easy-going. Kyungsoo’s brother had been a good sport about Sehun taking his room, fine with sleeping on the couch when he visited from college on a weekend here or there.

Kyungsoo had lost some friends, but had made many new friends among the theatre kids. Sehun had made other friends of his own too. Neither of them spent every day in the library at lunch anymore – though the glassed-in room was still a treasured spot for the both of them.

 _Ah, Kyungsoo._ Their friendship had grown and blossomed into much more. When they talked about it later, they both acknowledged that it was pretty much love at first sight. They’d never felt more comfortable around anyone else before. Within three plus months, it felt like they’d known each other their whole lives.

Later that night, Kyungsoo cuddles next to him in bed. Sehun’s limbs dangle off the edges of Kyungsoo’s twin bed. The one secret that remained was that Sehun rarely slept in his own bed. He tiptoed to Kyungsoo’s room most nights after the house was quiet.

Although he’s trying to read his book, Sehun giggles as Kyungsoo tickles him under the blankets.

“Sehunnie, we should sleep,” Kyungsoo says, not sounding the least bit sleepy.

“But I want to read one more chapter. The best part is coming up.”

“Haven’t you read that book ten times? You won’t miss anything because you already _know_ what’s going to happen.”

Kyungsoo’s soft lips play at his neck, causing his skin to goose-pimple. 

“Plus, there are other things we could be doing. Things you don’t know the ending to.” Kyungsoo’s husky chuckle echoes in the semi-dark room. Sehun’s willpower is fading fast.

“Please hyung, I’m pretty sure I can predict the ending.” Sehun knows he’s pushing his luck.

“Oh really? You do, do _you_?” 

Sehun shrieks as Kyungsoo pounces on him. He’s shushed with a kiss. 

Sehun’s book is sadly banished to the floor with a plop; soon forgotten, as they explore one another, pressing unspoken words into each other’s skin. Writing their own story.


End file.
